M
Y
S
T
I
C��
T
A
C
O��
S
T
A
N
D
Jane ... February 20, 2006
welp, here we are for another installment of the story of calamity jane. watch as her eyes rolls wildly inside her stupid, funny shaped head. see how she tears at her hair? now, it might seem like she's just doing all this hair pulling for the hell of it, but believe me, she has her reasons. later, you see, you will find her sitting calmly in the saloon, bleeding from the scalp and letting it drip all over the bar. she will sit there telling anyone who is willing to listen (which is no one) that someone else did this to her. she's gonna drink and moan like this until they do like they do every night when her money runs out and toss her on her ass outside the front door. but don't worry, little suzie, calamity jane never gets hurt when they throw her out. god protects babies and drunks, don't you forget that. so when she goes ass down on the dusty, horse poopy coated road outside the saloon, she's already loosened up by the alcohol enough that, unlike you or me, she just bounces. in a few hours, she'll wake up and realize her ass is bruised. alright! so she'll rush down the street to tell whoever she sees first that someone kicked her real hard and she needs medical attention. if they're not from these parts, they might be unwise enough to ask where she is hurt. this is the part where, if you're from out of town, she's going to lift her skirt and show you her slightly bruised ass. most out of towners will just laugh and go on, but occasionally, she manages to show her ass to someone who's willing to go the extra mile for her. she's happy to let them, of course, because THIS means she can head to the sherriff's right after and put in yet another rape charge. THEN she can go back to the saloon and complain that the sheriff wouldn't let her file a report. this is about the point that no one says anything. people just stare down into their drinks and try to wish upon an alcoholic star that calamity jane would just hurry up and get on with that BIG calamity that's coming for all of us someday. she's in no hurry, though, really. she's enjoying herself WAY too much to fully live up to her name just yet. who DOESN'T like talking and talking and talking about themselves? who doesn't get a secret little twinge of pleasure from spreading rumors about oneself? really. jane's got the life. she's not going anywhere.
- previous - next -
- the old -
profile -
leave a note -
contact -
DiaryLand makes me put this link here.
Please click on it before they cut off another one of my fingers!