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Instant "ONE"ness Mix, Strawberry Flavored ... January 20, 2006
-begin post-entry note-
I made someone read this because I am an asshole. They said I sounded like a preacher. I said, in a nutshell, "good." I'm practicing to become a prophet, did I mention that? No, I don't think I did. But I did now, bastards. That's right. ME a prophet. It's really the only career I think I even have a chance in doing well at. Who DOESN'T want a bunch of worshippers? Who DOESN'T want heaps of loot donated by devotees, loot that you didn't have to work for on your own. This also explains why I have yet to write a single journal entry of this kind that doesn't contradict all the others. I'm trying to find my philosophy. And it's got to be catchy and all deep sounding. Not just schizophrenic shlock like what I've so far managed to produce.
-end note-
The universe as you see it is an illusion. If space is really as infinite as it seems, then it can only exist as a singularity. Infinite space means that there is nothing else aside from space. There is not only nothing outside of space, but there is no place for this nothing to exist. If space is truely infinite, there is nothing to compare it to. It doesn't matter how big it seems to be from the inside looking out of the illusiary walls you have constructed around this thing you call "yourself". It is one thing, the only thing, a singularity. Replace the word "space" with a word for any kind of dimension you wish and the result will be the same. Time. Consciousness. Anything.
In order to understand it, all you have to do is understand that you, yes YOU, are not a seperate part of this singularity, a cog in some great universal machine. You must stop putting up walls between concepts, imagining that you are one cog in this machine and that other things you seem to see or think of are other cogs. All concepts are one. The idea of "self" is one of these walls. The idea of "here" is one of these walls. Same with "now". Everything you see or imagine, these words you are reading right now, your thoughts of disbelief or acceptance of my ideas, Everything with a capital "E" that you can name or identify, all of it is an illusion. These concepts are all sorted and filed away in your mind as separate things. The only way I am able to communicate with you right now is because, as you read this, you are paging through the mental file cabinets that you have created in search of definitions for these words. Without even realizing it, you are thinking of myself and yourself as seperate beings. Otherwise, I wouldn't have to reference the two concepts with the words "myself" or "yourself" at all. There is no me. There is no you. There is no we. Take that bite of apple out of your mouth and spit it back into Eve's face. Refuse the knowledge, the language, the thoughts, the attempt at dividing and sorting and filing away something that is indivisible, and all the illusiary sensations that lead you down the path to the biggest illusion of all: death. Embrace the infinite singularity if you can, and just BE. If you can do this, you can be everything, everytime, every thought. There is no need to worry about death. Death is a mirage created by the illusion of Time passing in incriments, one after another, and Space being divisible into inches, millimeters, or whatever measuring stick you try to use.
You might be asking yourself, "If you know so much about this infinite singularity shit, then why did you sit there, typing all those words. You say words are useless, that they create walls and attempt to divide up what you claim to be the infinite, indivisible singularity of existance and yet I can see you've been using those words nonetheless in an attempt to communicate with me." This is what I say to that. I've seen it. I know I have. I can't describe fully it simply because, in that state, there is no need for memory, or words, or any kind of mental filing system. The best way I can describe it to you with these ineffectual words is that, in that state, all Time, Space and Consciousness are experienced as a single thing. And yet I still know I can't even come close to describing what it really is. I hope you can forgive me for being elitist, but you have to have been there. The only thing I CAN remember or really describe is what it felt like to be removed from that state and brought back into my finite mind, pulled back behind the illusiary walls of "self" and "here" and "now" after being allowed to glimpse past them. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. If I would have been able, I would have tortured to death every single one of those people who thought they were saving me. If there is such a thing as a soul, their efforts to drag me back to the prison of my finite mind, it hurt me right there. If I knew how to get back without destroying my body, I would. The animal in me won't let me go back, yet. She wants to survive, to keep the body intact. She needs those mental walls in order to do so. I choose to let her have her way for now, because I know some day she will lose. In this state of being, behind these walls we try to make for ourselves, Death always wins in the end. But then the part of me that knows the truth about the infinite singularity will be set free. And since all time is one, it hardly matters if I am chained to the physical world for any length of time. When I am allowed to awaken, to lose "self" and "here" and "now", time will be unimportant. Time cannot actually be spent doing anything, even being bound by a desire to perpetuate an illusion of physical being, because time cannot be divided up.
I am not afraid. Take me back. Lift me over these walls that I've made around my being in my attempt to define this imaginary concept of "myself". Sensation, thought, experience, they are all pain, and even pain is an illusion, albeit a very uncomfortable one, but only because I allow it to be so. I only allow pain or the discomfort caused by it because I know that it, too, does not matter or even exist.
Life, it seems, is just a kind of "waiting room of the soul". Good thing that once you finally get past this illusion of spending a certain amount of time waiting, time ceases to matter. It's like investing a play money dollar and being paid back by an infinite number of real dollars.
If all this is really true, if I've really got even a PIECE of the truth here, then I feel that this illusion of waiting for ONE-ness with the infinite singularity of reality is completely worth it. I suppose it's really up to you if you want to imagine that you can agree or disagree with me. Either choice is an illusion.
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