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Bah ... April 09, 2006
so this evening i finally did the thing i've been thinking about doing for over two years now. i am such a wussy. i knew it wouldn't hurt at all, but i held off for almost two years for fear of rejection, for fear of the unknowable. i've come to realize, though, that NOT doing this thing that i've wanted to do for so long was the same thing being rejected by someone else, except I was the one doing the rejecting. so now, i'm submitting my various short stories of depravity/insanity to the 'zines. perhaps i'll get published, perhaps i suck at this writing thing and don't know it yet. we shall see. at this point, i really don't give two shits whether i get paid. i've been writing and not getting paid for so long now, well, it's not like it would crush my complete lack of finances or anything. maybe, i was thinking that if i got published, it would be easier to get into a college of my choice. gotta get back to college, mayn, and this time, more drugs. that was the problem last time, i think. not enough drugs. kept having to pay bills for things like food and rent, gawd, and i ran out of money for the important things, like illegal substances. anyways, if i am to become a writer of some sort, i'll need drugs to get the job done right. if i am to have the required substances, well, i've got to have an income of some sort. so please, let us all collectively cross our diaryland fingers and wish for me to get accepted. bah. you didn't cross your fingers. i saw you.
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