M
Y
S
T
I
C��
T
A
C
O��
S
T
A
N
D
Finally Going Home ... June 20, 2004
i need to laugh again but i just can't. something's wrong with me. i need to release something or i will explode.
sometimes i regret giving up performing.
as children, i was always the one who did everything right. i was always the one who got attention for my artwork, my singing, my acting, my intelligence. he was always right behind me, right on track talent-wise for his age, but since he was younger, never able to keep up with me. evetually i think this got to him a little bit, because i started noticing how he had basically given up at being good at anything.
no matter how many times the TV told me i ought to hate my little brother, i've always loved him. it simply KILLED me that he felt like he wasn't good at anything, just because he was trying to compare himself to someone much older.
so i looked at all the things he did well, and decided that i would give up something, that i would quit so he could be the best at something. at the time, i was stupid, and i thought i was gonna grow up and be an artist, so i gave up performing. i wish i hadn't because (..not to brag, but...) i'm not too bad at singing jazz and the blues, even now that they took that massive hunk of my throat out in last year's emergency tonsilectomy.
it's wierd, i don't like just about everyone. i feel separated from them, i don't really want to directly interact with them if i don't have to, but like everyone else i still looooove attention. i feel out of place everywhere i go, but i remember back when i was performing, that the stage was one of the few places i really felt at home. maybe it's time to go home.
- previous - next -
- the old -
profile -
leave a note -
contact -
DiaryLand makes me put this link here.
Please click on it before they cut off another one of my fingers!