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Lab Rat ... September 1, 2004
i am a laboratory rat. i really am. today i was getting food out of the usually malfunctioning vending machines in the science building here on campus when i had a strange realization. i mean, eating out of a machine kind of makes me feel like a rat anyways. press the right button, get the food, press the wrong button, get the shock. but i noticed that the vending machines are always being watched. always. there's always at least one person sitting in the room, usually with a piece of paper or clipboard next to them. they're not eating anything or reading a magazine or talking on a cell phone. they just watch you. it's like they're waiting to see what you do when the vending machine says "please use correct change" and spits your correct change back out at you. they perk up when it steals your money and does not produce a candy bar. they are simply too interested in whether you try again or get pissed, toss what�s left of your money back in your bag and storm off in a rage. i AM a lab rat. soon a pair of gloved hands will grab me out of my cage and hold me under the water in the sink till I drown. then it's time to disect me and see if your hypothesis was correct.
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